Nazgul Resign, Orcs want to move on and heal

Beesan Barghouti
2 min readJan 9, 2021

A growing number of the Nazgul Brigade have resigned their posts saying “This is not what I signed up for,” in response to the Goblin invasion on Mordor this week.

Several Orcs who have been working hand in hand with the Goblins for many years, admitted that their attack on Mordor was wrong, but that it was best to now move on and heal. Both Orcs and Goblins were killed in the invasion, for which Chief Orc Crudz the Slimeballer offered his condolences.

Orcs said that Goblins who stole, defiled and broke into the deeper coffers of Mordor will be brought to justice in the Court of Dungeons. One Nazgul said that was a complete waste of time, “The Goblins natural habitat is dungeons! They can easily slip away in there. If we are to bring them to justice, it should be out in the open, in full sunlight, if we are to really make them pay for what they did.”

Chief Orc Crudz the Slimeballer responded by saying, “Sunlight is tantamount to persecution of the entire Goblin race. This would only cause more division amongst the many tribes that make up Mordor. With the unification of the Woodland Elves and Dwarves Under the Mountain, we cannot afford to fight amongst ourselves. Therefore, the 48 hours we have had to process this is enough, and even though our own fallen Orc has yet to be buried, we should move on and heal.”

One outgoing Nazgul said that without any consequences for the Goblins, they will only do it again, and next time bring the Trolls. That was his real fear.

“Of course, Saruman could easily hold some sway with the Orcs and speak reason to their needlessly waxy ears, but he is too busy making sure he does not get thrown into the lava himself,” said one Nazgul.

Many questions remain for the Nazgul and some Orcs. For example: how did the Goblins seem to know the dungeon layout so well, why did the gatekeepers open the gates, and will they do it again?

Without any headway made between Orcs and Nazgul, the Nazgul are leaving in increasing numbers. Crudz the Slimeballer summarized his feelings thus: “Look, we all love evil, and that’s why we have all pledged our fealty to Mordor. Obviously some of us love evil more than others -and now we know exactly who that is.”

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Beesan Barghouti

Humor, sarcasm, commentary. Sometimes I am funny. Always on the outside looking in, usually asking the wrong questions.